


Necessary Conversations

by BrandyDW



Category: Outlander
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:07:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22935313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrandyDW/pseuds/BrandyDW
Summary: What if Jamie had been with John at Ardsmuir? How would Claire react? Just a small jot, I’d love to see others fan fiction on the prompt? from the night when Jamie and Claire meet John in Jamaica.
Relationships: Claire Beauchamp/Jamie Fraser, Jamie Fraser/Lord John Grey
Comments: 9
Kudos: 50





	1. Chapter 1

Claire’s thoughts were in turmoil, she’d seen things tonight that she didn’t think was possible, both a woman’s death at a high ranking event and Jamie potentially in love with a man.  
Claire knew Jamie loved her unconditionally after telling him about Frank, Brianna and her life back in her time. She should do the same for him; the difference was she was entirely honest with Jamie about everything from the start.

Jamie left her in the dark when it came to his marriage Laoghaire of all people, now there’s a John he’s trading looks with. Plus a son from a yet unknown mother. Jamie has a lot of explaining to do!

Claire: I need to know, were you with him in prison?  
Jamie: I told ye Sassenach, I asked ye if ye ken what men do in prison? I asked ye when ye came back if ye could accept the man I had become?  
Claire: So you were with him? Were there other men too? I didn’t think after Jack Randall that you would ever be able to…  
Jamie: John was the only man, and other than one other time, it only happened at Ardsmuir. It was for comfort for me, it was more personal for him, still is. He has a place in my heart but not in my bed anymore. Ye have to understand I thought ye were gone for good. I had years of isolation and the desolation of my mind made me do things I would not have done when I knew ye before. I didn’t go into specifics because I thought there would be more time to tell you before I ran into John again.  
Claire: Just like you thought there would be more time to tell me about your son? Which I learned about from your old lover? Jamie I can forgive you for about anything in my absence, lord knows it hasn’t been an easy time for you. However, I want to know the details, I don’t want you hiding things from me. Tell me more of John and your son please.


	2. Chapter 2

Claire ye have to understand, after Culloden I spent years living in a cave, all alone most of the time. I’d come down to Lallybroch now and again but it was never long enough. I was lonely, hunted and haunted by things that might have been.  
Before I had my family turn me in, I’ll admit to sleeping with Mary McNab for comfort right before going to Ardsmuir.  
Approximately a decade after you’d gone through the stones is when things started happening between John and I. He was the commanding officer and we started meeting because I was a voice for the other prisoners.  
We eventually became friends, we played chess, spoke often and he did what he could to make life bearable for the prisoners and the guards. But either way Ardsmuir was a hellish and cold place for all that stayed there.  
One night he happened to put his hand on mine after I’d told him something personal and it was so intimate! I immediately reacted with a “take your hand off of me, or I will kill you”. Then left immediately afterwards.  
We still had weekly dinners after that but it was more strained, he did apologize in the weeks after that saying he would never force anyone to do anything they did not wish to do. Gradually our chess matches became friendly again. He never tried anything again.  
Until one night while we were talking, I put my hand in his and stroked it a little. He looked at me, I nodded. There was some very heavy petting and cuddling that night.  
As the weeks progressed we did about everything I was willing to do with him between the sheets. It was pleasant and comforting. I did not let him bugger me, not after Randall, but I did bugger him quite frequently during that time.

Then I was paroled to Helwater and things had to stop. He was crushed and truthfully so was I a little but only because I cared about him, but I’m not naturally inclined to men and told him so. He accepted it gracefully. 

He visited me quarterly at Helwater, and was a true gentleman with everyone each time. 

It was at Helwater that I met my son Williams mother, she was a spoilt bitch but vulnerable at times too. She blackmailed me into sleeping with her to take her virginity before she was married off to a man that was old enough to be her grandfather. Nine months later William was born and his mother died in childbirth. I may tell you more of that story at a later date if you care to hear it but that’s the sum of it all. 

I stayed on at Helwater longer due to Willie even though I could’ve been paroled home, those were some of the best years of my life with him. When his resemblance to me started to show, I knew I had to go, even though it broke me inside. 

When I found out that John was to be his step father, I offered myself to him in appreciation, he tried to refuse out of goodness but I insisted. That was the first and only time he ever buggered me. It was surprisingly sweet and pleasant, he made it perfect as possible. 

So I’m telling you Sassenach I may not love John Greys body, but I do love his soul. I hope ye can understand?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Very short, wanted to get this out there though.

Claire: I can’t say that I do understand but I’ll try to, it’s just so different from what I was expecting. Are you saying you’re in love with him still?

Jamie: Not in love with him, but I do love him. There is a difference there Sassenach.

Claire: I don’t know how I feel about that…

Jamie: Which is why I was reluctant to bring it up, I was afraid Claire. Afraid you’d go back through the stones if I told ye everything at once. I pined for you for years, and just because I was with someone for a while doesn’t mean I ever stopped loving or wanting to be with you! But you weren’t here, and I didn’t think ye were ever coming back. So yes I love John Grey, he holds a piece of my heart, but that doesn’t negate the love I have for you at all! If anything it strengthened it, as I was able to at least somewhat love someone else while knowing in my very core that I was still madly in love with you. 

Claire: Oh Jamie, I love you! I get it too, to an extent. I can understand. From trying to make things work with Frank and I did love him too, just not like I love you. I pined for you as well. The difference was I thought you were dead and you just knew I was gone and likely to never know to come back. I’m not sure which is worse. All I know is I’m happy we’re together. Can I say that I’m a bit jealous of all the time that John Grey got with you though?

Jamie: Aye, you can Sassenach. That’s understandable. Let’s talk of Brianna and William more going forward shall we? John Grey is my past, except for dear friendship. Children are our future.


End file.
